THE SPAWN OF SATAN SERIES Ep 1.

People annoy me. Some more than others. This series of posts will be rants on particular groups of people whom o some part of me believes are the spawn of satan. In this edition, I will be slamming body language analysts.

Body language analysts - i'm sure we have all met people who hang on every word you say and read too much into your diction and tone. When you put these people through a trash compactor you get body language analysts, who take note of every nuance of your facial expression and body movement claiming they contradict what you are communicating verbally. In other words the basic assumption of their every cognitive leap is that people are potentially lying to them, which is a grade of cynicism and paranoia that even I find disturbing. In my opinion it's a petty version of the God complex. At least when doctor's have it it's because they are privy to insight and knowledge consequestion to the health and life and death of their patients, not to shit that doesn't affect anything. "you were shaking your head as you agreed with that statement, therefore you must disagree!" "no bitch I agree and I was shaking my head at your pathetic line of work, biiiiiitchhhhh"

NEXT EDITION: Match makers.
matchmakers - in my opinion these people never grew out of high school (and considering their career choice probably didn't graduate either) and get some kind of power high from having some measure of agency and authority in one of the most important aspects of other people's lives. case in point, that woman on Million Dollar Matchmaker on Bravo TV. Everytime i see her face when i expect to see a Project Runway rerun ... errgghh

Last week I found myself in a situation that’s been weighing on my mind, and I have to get it out.

To cut a long story short so you who are reading can decide right now if you want to keep going, I saw a guy I was really attracted to, and did nothing about it . This is becoming a motif in my life which I never made a huge deal out of before, but the fact that I can remember the circumstances and characters involved in almost every instance …to the point where I’m eavesdropping on their conversations hoping to catch a name instead of talking to the dude to get the dish myself, to the point where I’m desensitized to the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling because it’s never triggered and materialized into anything (in classical conditioning this is called 'extinction')…..I can’t let this go on anymore!

Let this post be an ultimatum that if I ever see that fucker again I’m talking to him for better or for worse. Actually knowing me and how tongue tied I get, it will be for the worse and the whole affair would end with me meekly asking to borrow a pencil, with which upon procurement I would feel like stabbing myself. But at least the trend of romantic inaction will be broken which means progress in the self development department.

Speaking of self development. I was just reading a part of a paper written in the 70’s about how American society was becoming more “narcissistic”, with the concerns and energies of people turned inward from the world at large to the self. Though the paper’s from the seventies and my perspective of the world is very far from comprehensive and is in fact quite reductivist, I’ll say I think that statement is correct and it didn’t take much reflection to see I am also guilty of what it purports. But I’m having a hard time trying to imagine how the world could possibly be experienced any other way, and even harder time imagining how this trend in society as a whole can be reversed or redirected. My assumption is that in many ways we see self-investment and self-fulfillment as a key path to improving society as a whole… as it stands the infrastructure for societal improvement consists of the improving of individuals and especially in an individualistic society like America, much more faith is placed in the agency of an individual on social change. Hence the confidence and near-obssessiveness with which we pursue self-satisfaction, self-fulfillment, self-improvement, self-aggrandizement etc, because ultimately we think the material/spiritual spoils of our individual conquests trickle out to society. We believe this to the point where we take these impetuses for granted, which is why I used the term “infrastructure” to describe this cultural condition because infrastructure is invisible and embedded, and very troublesome and difficult to change. Question is, Assuming that my assumption is valid, which as far as I’m concerned, it is, is there even any point to aspire to any other kind of society?

On an unrelated note , I’ve been trying to get into Jazz lately. It’s not a genre that I instantly click or feel symbiosis with like I do with drunken irish songs or mellow acoustic folk, so my approach is to wholly construct a liking and understanding of it from scratch and perhaps from there a genuine appreciation and even love for it might develop. Sorta like an arranged marriage. There is a chance I’ll abandon the notion and resign to my original sentiment that jazz all sounds like the same kind of incoherent brass and piano, but I’m aware that this dismissal could only evolve from my ignorance, so even if I can’t bring myself to like it, I’m gonna at least try to see why other people do. So far it seems that won’t be a problem because surprisingly I’ve been liking the unpredictable improvisational aspect that I used to find intimidating and unpleasant. Some preconceptions I had have also been debunked e.g. that it’s mostly instrumental. I’ve heard some pieces with awesome vocals.

The impetus to dabble with jazz was not borne of pretention as it may appear but of an article I read about the role of jazz in mediating the legacy of the Black Arts Movement for Asian Americans. Because of the emphasis on improvisation, innovation, and self-exploration, jazz was a genre independent from conventional constructions of music that are rooted in European traditions and for these reasons was symbolic to Asian American musician-composers with an eye to self determinism. So I’m hoping, listening to more jazz and reading stuff about it, I’ll understand more of what that was all about. Expect to be reading about me honking around on a baritone saxophone in the somewhat near future.

Academic papers written by people that sound like they have a huge chip on their shoulder are hilarious. Case in point? Knee-Jerk Formalism: The Higher Education Reports by Daniel W. Rossides in The Journal of Higher Education, Vol. 58, No. 4 (Jul. - Aug., 1987), pp. 404-42.